prayers.

there's always a never ending quarrel about prayers: the manner in which one has to pray, the posture, the clothing, the words, the outpouring lines, the drama, the memorization, the candles, the catholics, the protestants, the muslims, the buddhist, the atheist, etc. the gods (leader/bishop/nun/ingkong) wanted to have a perfect manner in which "their" prayers are supposed to be delivered.

i am a catholic, and i must admit that i am a devotee of the blessed virgin mary (at least i know in my heart that i am, and i don't care if other people don't know that). consequently, (i don't know if it is a proper word) i am practicing my educational expertise in a catholic school, i'm not kidding, therefore i am expected to follow the stereotype: obedience, chastity, and poverty.

obedience: thou shall obey the instructions given by your superior. i don't know if God made a person that is "superior" than another, for i believe in equality. however misleading the instruction is one must obey.

chastity: thou shall not do malicious actions (sexual). with regard to chastity, the school puts it this way: thou shall not indulge in things that will make you happy. like attending classes on a weekend.

poverty: thou shall not be greedy, that's why the compensation is less than what you deserve. moreso, it's meager for your needs. (for further information about poverty please try to see the real world)

i am really not sure if the vows that i've told is for priest's or nun's reference, for i am not a priest, and absolutely not a nun, but the thing is, that the school seems to follow the vows and extend it to all its constituent. i am certain that God wanted us, his creations, to have what is due so there is no reason for austerities (pardon the word).

allow me to now focus on the title: prayers.

prayers not are uttered by the lips, it is uttered by the heart. it is not through our words we pray but through our hearts that is filled with conviction. i cannot remember the exact lines from dequiros, but i tried to preserve the thought. to this i subscribe.
it is not the unending recitation of words that makes up a person's prayer--it's like being a zombie reciting lithanies over and over. it is not the memorization of countless paragraphs that defines a prayer's solemnity; it is how a person reaches out his hand to the creator, it is how a person hold on to his faith, it is the belief that there is a God out there that is listening to him; that is prayer. at least for me.

my coordinator (i will not call him "superior" because i have high respect to him) and i happen to talked to me earlier, i do not know how it diverted to prayers, for it started with my being out last saturday. anyway, so it turned to this, he wanted to know if i am like my friend/classmate/co-teacher, who, does not often ask our students to pray before every class period; i said yes, i do not often asked my students to recite prayers before class periods, why? my reason is in the above paragraph. i hate to see students or people in general recite words, when i know that they know do not contain any meaning whatsoever. it is like asking a person to do a thing without giving him a reason for doing. it's all in vain.

"catholics" i hate to admit it, but my coor tagged catholics as the ones who are incline to "recitations" (as i have said in the previous paragraph), i am a catholic and if every catholic has this definition i cannot imagine the results that this would bring to the faith that Jesus built (as i believe it).

i am not telling you not to pray in recited verses. i am not imposing that every people should have a belief in prayers that is parallel with what i believe in. what i am trying to say is that us, catholics (i can't really speak for other relifions),should evaluate ourselves, our beliefs, and everything that goes with it. there is nothing wrong if you wonder about the validity of mores. change will only happen if there are at least few people who will have the courage to think and to evaluate these mores, otherwise, there should be no morrow.

end.

galit lamang ito.
wala kang aasahan kundi ang sidhi ng galit ko.

pagod ako.

last saturday hindi ako umattend ng klase (exam). last saturday gumising ako ng tanghali. last saturday hindi ako naligo ng maaga. last saturday nakita ko si jose habang ginagaya si imaw. last saturday sumakit ang ulo ko dahil mainit sa bahay namin. last saturday kasama ko ang girlfriend ko. last saturday masaya ako. last saturday naramdaman ko ang saturday.

yung pagsusulit sa eskwelahang pinapasukan ko, sabado na naman ang iskedyul. powtah! wala na naman ako sa kwentuhan ng barkada, sa table tennis at sa masayang pusoy dos. bad trip kasi. bat kailangang kunin mo (walang antecedent, pero alam ko kung sino ito) ang week end ko? wala kang karapatan para gawin yun! araw-araw (hindi yung junk food) na nga akong pumapasok dito--inuubos ang hininga, hinihingal at sinasakitan ng ulo, tapos pati saturday ko gusto mong kunin-- tang*** ka!

last saturday kinalas ko yung taling pilit mong ikinakabit sa leeg ko. hindi mo ko hawak. hindi mo ko pag-aari tang*** ka! hinahanap ko ang sarili ko sa gitna ng magulong mundong ginagalawan ko ngayon: hindi ko alam kung talagang naging mga drones na ang mga kasama ko dito (pwera sa isa). bakit wala kayong (wala uling antecedent pero alam ko pa rin kung sino) salita? ano ginagamit nyo sa araw-araw? hindi ba ang salita lang ang pinagkaiba ng tao sa mga hayop. hindi ko alam kung kayo na ang nagkatawang taong "catharsis".

gusto kong maibalik ang dati kong buhay pag sabado. gusto kong gawin lahat ng gusto ko. kaya nitong huli ginawa ko. walang pretensions, walang hypocrasy, gusto ko lang lumatay ang kama sa likod ko.

tapos.

ano? boring di ba? sabi ko sayo galit lang ito.

suskuday!

akalain mo may demo na naman kami ngayon, parag last friday lang kami nagdemo sa harap ng mga lola nyo tapos ngayon demo na naman.

asar. naubos ko lahat ng oras ng sabado at kalahati ng linggo para sa visual aids. bad trip ang putik!

ang topic ko pa naman ay ang pinakamahirap na lesson na "writing the plural form of nouns". wow. kahit ako inaantok dun eh.

naubos ang buong saturday ko kakatupi ng manila paper na aminin nating habang tumatagal ay lalong nag-aamoy burak (hindi ako nagbibiro). bad trip ba naman kasi yung mga kartolina, napaka mahal tapos mag-guguhit kapa. asar.

"ayan na sila". putik naman mga tsong (manila boy akey) nadinig ko na naman ang mga katagang ayokong-ayokong nadidinig mula sa mga gurong araw-araw nagtuturo. bakit ba kasi? ano ba ngayon kung may ma-shonda? may tajiri? may thunderbird? na nanonood (buti kung hindi tulog) sa likod ng klase mo. sabi nga sa commercial, "isipin mo na lang guard yan" s'ya yung nagbabantay ng mga magsisipag puntahan sa kubeta. bwahaha!

hindi ko pa kamo natapos yung visuals na mabaho nung sabado, kinain pa nun yung kalahati ng araw ko ng linggo. putres. hindi tuloy ako nakapag table tennis maghapon. bad trip.

pagpasok ko sa isang klase, pinatayo ko na yung mga bata tapos pinagpulot ko ng kalat, abay umeenter na ang lola mo (literal).
kaya pinagdasal ko na ang mga bata (gulat kayo no? tanong ko sa sarili ko? hindi kasi ko nagpapadasal) at pinaupo pagtapos.
ang hirap mag-isisp ng motivation sa grammar lalo pa't ganon yung topic. suskuday! pa'no mop kaya pagsasamahin ang values education saka plural forms of noun?

oo nga pala, dumagdag sa bad trip ko nung linggo ay yung pagpunta ko ng bsu. inaasahan ko kasi na may pre-let test kami dun, kasi naman ayon sa iskedyul ay august 7, 2005 ang huling araw ng review ng mga pobreng kukuha ng let sa susunod na linggo (sana pumasa kami). pagdating ko sa bahay ng mga langgam, abay tahimik. at pag-akyat ko sa nest (hindi si alma moreno) wala ni isa mang kaluluwa! anak ng tinapa (yung mas maliit na tinapa), iniba daw yung isked at ginawang sabado august 6, 2005. putik. sayang ang pamasahe ko.

nagtuturo na ako ng forming plural nouns. medyo madami talaga kong nilagay na burak sa pisara. naguumapaw. abay ang lola mong nasa likod ay napakagara ng upo! kulang na lang ay humilata sa sahig ng kanyang mga pangarap! tuluyan na tuloy nawala ang ningas ng aking kasiyahan sa boring kong topic. napaka elementary kasi. kung wala lang ito sa hanay ng dapat ituro, wit ko talaga sya teach. bad trip kamo talaga.

ngayon lang ako nag-mukhang boring sa klase ko. ngayon lang ako nagmukhang inaantok sa klase. ngayon lang ako nawalan ng gana sa subject. ngayon lang ako nakakita ng tajiring ayaw pumostura. ngayon lang ako hassel. ngayon lang pumangit. ngayon lang ako jahe. ngayon lang ako hindi lumabas ng iskul para mag-lunch. ngayon lang ako nakakain ng masarap (hindi kami kumain sa karenderya). ngayon ko lang naisip na kalbo si thunderbird. ngayon lang ako nasilaw sa kinang. ngayon lang.

si thunderbird kaya, kelan nya maiisip na ang normal voice ay hindi pasigaw. kelan kaya nya maiisip na kailangan marunong makinig sa explanation. kelan kaya sya gagamit ng shampoo (na galing kay amang, kabayo). kelan kaya matatpos ang visiting forces agreement. kelan babaha dito. kelan ako gagamit ng tandang pananong pag nagtatanong. kelan.

he said, she said.

suskuday!

one student came to me asking something about the error in the message posted on the campus. she said "sir, is there anything wrong with the sentence?" i said " the 's" she said "why?" i said "according to the "elements of style" you don't place 's to non-living objects. she said "is that so, sir?" i said "yah".

one moment of silence.

abruptly she raised the argument that "yah" should not be used because according to her it is not a word. "yes" should be in place of the word i used.

pause.

i found myself discussing language.

for us to use and master a language, first we must know what is language: a. it is the use of written symbols or vocal sounds in order to communicate or get the meaning across, b. its basic unit is sound and, therefore one must master the meaning of those sounds.

clear.

no question.

now i've added the definition of language according to Gemino H. Abad in his book, "In Ordinary Time". "Language is not words, kaibigan,/ nor the many screeching worlds it produce, language is what created those worlds and the effect are the words.

crossed brows.

endless queries.

so my lunch break was dedicated to explaining language to students not mine. i took the word "love" i've asked them what is the meaning of love?

ample definitions.

now the question i've raised is, "how do you feel if you're feeling the word "love", if you're in love?

sharing siesta.

"love is not the affection you feel for someone", i told them. love is just a word, what is important is how we conceive that word and perception differs from one and the other.

"words are only there to represent the ideas, the feelings (anger, hope, despair, love, pity, etc.) since they are only representatives, we, the speaker, must choose the best word in order for us to get the meaning across." in this manner, it is not the words that created the meaning, but the feeling that created the meaning and the words."

so in my "yah" case, i used "yah" instead of "yes" or whatever other word, because i found it suitable to take the place of what i am feeling of the moment of speaking.

are we clear?

yes.

get it?

"yah"

powtahka!

ang kapal ng fez mo!

powtahka!

remember the teacher i've told you on the previous post (the one teaching [ti]). powtah un!

after almost four weeks of not talking to him, his insatiable quence for shallowness surfaced.

we had what we call the "religious ritual" whatsoever in the place i'm working on. so things, go the way it should go: singing praise song, bible reading and sharing.

singing praise is fine, as well as the gospel about the multiplication of the bread (when Jesus fed thousands of men, women and children with only five loaves of bread and three pieces of fishes). so the sharing happened it was a counter-clockwise way of voicing opinions about the gospel. it went fine, until mr./ms. (i can't identify the gender) powtah shared something, not related to the gospel, but with regard to the story he, himself created in his mind. that myself and my friend search for his error and from then on judging and questioning his competency. a very nice plot, actually if it is for "maalaala mo kaya".

bull shit man!

if i could only spit between your eyes, i would.

here you are speaking of professionalism, but you don't even know the proper channel in voicing out your shetness! why don't you go to mr. tulfo and tell your plot inside his office!

you're the very incarnation of shetness!

so that happened. mr./ms. powtah narrated his "maalaala mo kaya" version of hell. minds me of what mt friend said to my other friend when they argued: "'wag kang magpanggap naikaw si princess sarah para limusan ka ng awa (don't pretend to be princess sarah to beg for sympathy)" winner ang dialog! una, hindi kamukha ni princess sarah ang lolo/lola mo. ikalawa, hinding-hindi kaidad ni princess sarah and lolo/lola mo, at ikatlo, wala syang mabuting puso para limusan ng awa! bwahaha.

to mr./ms. powtah i'm giving this message across and straight "powtah ka".

bwahahaha!

bago mag-demo ang demo(nyo)

one of my greatest fears is to appear boring in front of my classes, or any audience, for that matter.
that's the reason why my blog had to wait for five long days before i put anything into it.

my apologies to Mr. Cirilo Bautista, cause i did not heed his advice on form (as you can see small letters are down pouring here).

suskuday!

demonstration teaching ko nga pala ngayon sa harap ng aming pinagpipitagang directress (madre). at katulad ng mga pinagdaanan ko nang demo---chika lang.

hindi ko lang sigurado kung bakit may adrenaline rush akong nararamdaman bago magsimula ang pangtutuyang mangyayari ilang saglit pa?

grabe! iniisip ko na kung ano ang sasabihin n'ya kapag nakita nya (ipapakita ko talaga) ang pencil topper ko na si Darth Mole (kulay pulang mukha, maraming itim na tatoo, may anim na sungay at may nanlilisik na mga mata) bwahahaha!

chika lang.

chika lang naman talaga, parang araw-araw naman kasi ginagawa ko, at ng ibang mga guro, ang bagay na ito. kaya hindi ko makuha ang logic kung bakit may kaba, kibot, takot o kurot sa kanilang mga... (hindi clit) buto kapag na-isked na sila para mag-demo sa harap ng ibang guro.

naalala ko tuloy nung may demonstration teaching kami nung student-teacher pa lang ako. ilang ulit kong nadinig mula sa fellow ST's kong mayabang daw ako. bakit? kasi nakakakain daw ako ng ayos, nakakatulog ng maaga, nakakagala, nakakapagsulat, nakikichika at marami pang iba. eh bakit sila raw hindi makagawa nun?

asar na asar ako kapag free period namin at magkakasama sa kuta, meron pa silang mga murmurs at mimics na: "ay!!! demo ko na!!!" (na punong-puno ng kakyondian) ano gusto mong gawin ko patayin ang soup mo para hindi matuloy. tinanong ko sila minsan (one of my kind days) kung bakit sila kinakabahan, gayong ang demo ang hudyat ng wakas at simula ng bagong yugto (sorry for the drama) ng kanilang shetness? sinabi ko rin na: "the difficulty of anything depends on the manner of how we approach it." but everything fell on deaf ears (or ears filled with stalactites and stalagmites ---nagpapanggap kasing science major--- of ear wax). to make the long story even longer, nakagraduate kami ng college. end.

ngayon ako ay...

araw-araw nasa harap ako ng mga elite na mga bata. araw-araw chinichika ko sa kanila na ang kalayaan ay ang masabi ang gusto mong sabihin. na ang kasiyahan ay hindi nangangahulugang ang mga gusto mo ay parehas ng sa iba. na maaring hindi lalaki ang d'yos. na lahat tayo ay pawang gumaganap lamang sa mga papel na kadalasan tayo din ang may likha. na ang preposition to ay hindi binabasang [ti] (kahit 'yung isa naming kasamahan ganon ang turo---infinitive daw kasi---chika lang). na mahalaga ang makinig. na hindi totoo ang best friend. na ang kamatayan ay hindi nangangahulugang katapusan. na dapat kang matutong mag-isip para sa iyong sarili.
at kung ano-ano puro chika lang naman.

ang school.

gusto ko lahat plansado, pwera lang 'yung uniform namin pag lunes kasi lukot talaga yun. gusto ko hindi baduy, kaya lang yung uniform 'pag martes kulang crust yung polo at dark blue yung pants.
gusto kong magpakalbo, kaya lang sususpindihin ka at papasok ka lang pag mahaba na ulit ang buhok mo. gusto ko yung maginhawang uniform, kaya lang naka long sleeves yung mga bata dito, may pa jumper effect pang parang apron. gusto ko malamig sa klase, kaso hindi talaga kayang palamigin ng tatlong kaluluwang bintelador ang malaking klase. gusto ko tahimik, kaso pagpinagsama-sama mo lahat ito isa lang ang produkto: ingay.

punong-puno ng ingay! sabi ni shakespeare "an empty vessel makes a loud sound". ikaw magpakahulugan.

mga gintong butil(hindi palay).

sabi ng daddy ko nung graduation daw nila ang gintong butil ng speaker ay: "dalawa lang ang tatahakin nyong lugar, ang una ay ang pagsunod sa agos ng sistema. ang ikalawa, ay ang pagsalungat dito. pero mas madali ang sumuod sa agos, kaysa labanan ito."

napaka fruitful da ba? pano kung sa imburnal ang patutunguhan ng agos? eh di uubusin ko ang buhay ko hanggang sa huli nitong sandali para maglublob sa mabahong tubig ng marurumi--- pasensya na pero "i don't subscribe."

ayoko sa sistema dito.

ayoko sa craming.

ayoko ng sinasabihan ng mga taong hindi alam ang sinasabi.

ayoko sa mapag-imbabaw.

ayoko sa basura. sawang-sawa na ko sa basura. gutay-gutay na ang katawan ko (chika lang ito).

ayoko ng ulam sa karenderya.

ayoko.

pero gusto kong baguhin ang pag-iisip ng mga stude ko---yun lang siguro dahilan kung bakit nandito pa ako. kaya itutuloy ko ang ginagawa ko.

chichikahin ko sila dahil ang lahat ng ito ay...

chika lang.